Bum over Booby....

....down the stairs I tumbled. Bum bum over booby. The first night at a new job. Three minutes max and there I was causing kaos, concern and mayhem. Lying, spreadeagled at the bottom of the steps...head on the bottom step, legs four steps up, top positioned nicely to reveal a tum tum I would have been proud to bare a few years ago but now  resembling one of those tummies sported by a portly maidens you ogle in oil paintings in a gallery. Employer of a whole three minutes, shouting down if I was okay.

It has to be a record.

"What happened?" enquired Doc at the emergency clinic. "I fell down the stairs.",I answered in broken Japanese as it`s hard to compose a succinct sentence when your right foot is  the size of a football and throbbing harder than a speed junkie`s heart on a fix. Then felt the urge to add, just in case he assumed alcohol must be a factor at this time of night,...me being a mum and all."Work!"  He turned to me startled and half laughing asked," You job is falling down stairs?"

I laughed back. Logical conclusion perhaps as I only came to this very same clinic a few weeks ago and saw the very same doctor with my left foot swollen up like a football this time. Four years ago, I damaged my Achilles tendon. A nasty affair involving much gritting of teeth and profanity mouthed silently whenever the slightest weight was put down on that foot. It took me two hours to get to a nearby hospital  twenty minutes away, pushing the twins in the double stroller. By the time I got there, I swear I felt like one of those Red Indians depicted in the movies, who had ingested some magical herb and  transported onto on a higher plain with the pain. Doctor told me to not walk for a month,strapped up my foot,gave me a pair of crutches and sent me home.  There I was.......pushing the double stroller...one hop at a time on my crutches. On the way home, I paused at a set of traffic lights. My son , aged 2 at the time decided to test his strength and threw his sippy cup into some nearby bushes. Not yet used to balancing my weight with a badly injured foot, I fell over reaching for the cup and got the crutches tangled up in the foliage. Mobile phones hung out of a few waiting cars, clicking for prosperity the scene of one big foreign woman, upside down in a roadside bush shouting a few juicy words . Next day, the crutches were embarked on their quest to collect as much dust particles as possible and the no walking policy......Ho hum...


Unfortunately, not being able to follow the Doc`s orders  resulted in recurrent confrontations in the old Achilles tendon department. Only this very morning I remarked to hubby that my foot..the left one that is...was starting to feel better. Now here I am,in agony with the right one. Thank you,God for that at least.

"Why did you do this?" demanded hubby as I hobbled through the door stinking of `hospital`. "Well...," I paused for fake artistic impact," I thought as my left foot was finally getting better..rather than let life get a little tame, I`d just throw myself down a flight of stairs...for the sheer hell of it... and see what happens. In fact, my limbs were all doing `Rock,Scissors,Paper` to vie for that 15 minutes of `X-ray and  follow up doctor consultation` fame. The right foot won!" I shrug sarcastically which is totally lost on a disgusted hubby waving a cowering icepack.

He should be used to this by now. By `this` I mean `my life`. By `he`, I mean hubby.My family long ago resigned themselves to the fact that my life is full of weird, wonderful and sometimes incredibly vexing occurrences. My mum takes me on holiday to Greece....I end up in hospital,on a drip with severe sunburn on my face . The little girl in the hotel room next to ours actually ran off down the corridor screaming when she saw me. Another time, I leave hospital after recuperating from an illness.Only two hours later I dislocate my knee and end up back in hospital. The list goes on and on and on....

"Well,you certainly made a good first impression with your new employers," giggles hubby. Here to please...here to please. "What are you like!" he squeezes my knee. Well,I am like a girl with a huge swollen right foot just now.........