In The Trenches.....

What is it with kids,sickness and the early morning hours? Two does seem to be the magic number...2 am that is. Never 2pm. 2 warm,daylight hours,local chemist is still open, you can call someone for help,all will be well pm. Even if my lot have been ill during the day and I get them off to bed,all snuggled up,thinking the worst is over,the clock hand hits that magic number and hey presto. The various mini orifices of hell open their doors widely and souse any bed sheets and PJs unluckily in the vicinity.2am.....when it feels like the entire universe has conked out,when the darkness seems like a deceitful well wisher peering in through your windows and you can almost smell the peat torches burning as mummies wearing furry bikini type thingies from a millennium ago kept watch over young from marauding predators. Or that's what it seems like after zero sleep anyway.

As I place buckets in strategic positions,I suddenly get a flashback of Grandpa and the Van Dyke guy from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in the scene where Grandpa is complaining about the rain coming through his roof.I wish.....Beloved Bat Boy suddenly sits up in bed,screams something unintelligible and while my sleep deprived brain is trying to translate,an avalanche of what looks suspiciously like last night's Nikku Jagger (Noooo...Not the singer.It's a Japanese broiled meat dish.) launches itself with the velocity of an incoming meteor from outer space in my direction. I grab a bucket and manage to catch most of the torrent. 'Every cloud has a silver lining'.Even ones floating in a dark,dark sky at 2 am in the morning.I'm getting pretty sprightly at this goalie lark.You've got to watch the peas though.They're like metal pellets.Found one embedded in the plaster earlier.When I am in my eighties....maybe even nineties and folk comment on how agile and supple I am for my age,I will reply."It was all those early mornings up with my kids,jumping around the bedrooms,buckets in hands,deflecting rivers of ......"I keep shouting out to my kids "In the bucket,please" but they don't seem to be listening.Never mind,from experience,we've got a few more hours to get it right.

From downstairs,I hear my loyal comrade, the washing machine wind down from her spin mode.She totally understands the 2am factor too.Many a morn,I've lain my weary head across her top,the warmth and motion lulling me away for a few precious seconds. I'd pour a beer into the 'softener' tray if I thought it would ease the poor beleaguered thing.Summers in Tokyo mean that you can hang out your washing in the middle of the night and awake to it crispy dry.

The bedroom soon fills with the sighs of deep,contented sleep as dawn shakes her head and prises open sleep crusted eyes. The lucky so and so......