The Great Gargle.

My body has joined ranks with my children and is rebelling against me.My brain keeps flashing lights that's it's the same ailment my kids endured very recently.....a non-specific virus.... but I am worried it could be the beginning of complete and utter organ failure.It's not that I am a hypochondriac or anything but a quick google of the Internet hit upon a few diseases matching my symptoms ,all requiring transfusions,dialysis or an emergency operation."You look like that guy off Goosebumps,Mummy,"chirps Bat Boy whizzing the curtains open, sending a torturous beam of sunlight straight onto my bed,which leaves me flailing and squirming around like some vampire from a B movie."You know..the episode where the guy gets bitten by an alien and he turns white and all his flesh starts oozing off,Mummy". Kids.You can always rely on them to tell you how it really is.No frills or delicate handling or side stepping for the meek.Kids...as subtle as a piece of bobbing poo poo in a swimming pool.And on that note,my stomach started up on it's rinse and spin cycle.

Suddenly hubby's disembodied voice "We need to clean your stomach.Get all those nasty germs out." My jaded eyeballs home onto his frame in the doorway,one hand dangling a small glass jar with two rubber tubes sprouting from either side.A seriously disturbing scene flashes through my mind.Surely he isn't going to try and perform an enema with the contraption we use to suck the snot out of the kids' blocked noses."Come on.Up you get.Let's go gargle."hubby almost sing songs. Oh yes.The great Japanese tradition of gargling.Got a cold?Gargle.Headache? Gargle. Having an aneurysm?Just gargle a bit more and you'll be right as reign in a matter of days. In fact, I am surprised it isn't advocated for pain relief during child birth or while passing gall stones.'Now come on,Mrs Watanabe.Women used to give birth in bushes out on the flat lands,you know.Never heard any of them complaining.I am sure you can manage to have at least one little gargle in between third stage labour contractions'.

"Hold it for 3 more seconds.Head back."I am sure my husband takes great delight in all of this."Well done,"he smiles."You'll be better soon.A good gargle cures all.It's just a non specific virus." I really dislike the way folk,who are fit as fiddles like to casually banter to folk,who are in the throes of agony,their whole body committing mutiny,who have just spent five of the last seven hours in a toilet without any decent reading material at hand that 'it is just a non-specific anything'.I know it's just a virus. As soon as my kids got sick,all my mummy friends called apologising in case my lot got it from their lot....basic mummy etiquette.....and after a few hours we narrowed the original outbreak down to a family living in a tiny village in eastern Germany.These things spread like wildfire amongst children.

"Just one more,"hubby grins,"And this time I've added extra salt to really finish off those germs clinging to your throat." I sigh.Some things just aren't worth arguing about.Not that I have the energy anyway."And then,I want to try a little of the octopus and onion soup I made for you"..........