The P.T.A Meeting.

P.T.A meetings are a bit like joining a drinking party sober,six hours after it originally started.Everyone is talking what sounds like gibberish and laughing at jokes you can't quite get.Somebody please glue the  linguistic goal posts in place.They keep moving.Just when I actually feel like I am getting the lingo down,someone will throw a word in that I can't even pronounce,let alone spell to look up in a dictionary.I've become quite adept at portraying an outward facade of unqualified and exceptional comprehension during school meetings.On the odd occasion when I can read an entire page of kanji,I feel like ripping my knickers off there and then and swinging them around my head singing "We're The Champions"ecstatically.I normally only end up smugly drinking my allocated cup of green tea and senbai.

I've naturally assimilated a lot of the cultural mannerisms by watching the other mums.When someone calls out my name,I am able to put my index finger up on my nose and ask "Watashi" without rolling my eyeballs.I've perfected my 'sucking in of breath' technique (can do it non-stop for nearly a minute these days) and the timing of the  'Muzukashii' deliverance would make any seasoned actor weep.I can give a whole speech these days and keep my eyes glued on the desk in front of me.My foreigner heyday of wildly eye balling everyone and demanding eye contact are behind me. I no longer try to argue the merit of changing certain points or politely disagreeing.I 'Hai,wakarimashita' everything (Yes,I understand) and then merrily toddle off to pursue exactly what I wanted to do anyway.And to hell with the consequences. It took me a long time to learn that it is far easier here to apologise then to ask permission to do something different or new.

I am sat slurping down a beer.I did okay.I laughed,I smiled,I even frowned and shook my head at all the key prompts.I told a funny anecdote about mixing up the words 'unko' (poo poo) and 'anko' (sweet bean paste filling) when asking in a crowded store about various fillings in some dumplings they sold.......my eyes riveted to a lady's legs  in front of me wearing pop socks and sandals in 30 degrees.The room burst into laughter as thirty women in unison held up handkerchiefs to their faces.My neighbour even touched my shoulder...I flinched in true Japanese style. I  survived another P.T.A meeting........