.....again. He must have timed his summer hols with ours. Lovely waking up of a morn and sauntering down stairs to a leisurely breakfast...well, in between the food fights and normal sibling warfare that is part and parcel of family life that is.....cruising out to the pools for an all day dip. Now he`s back. In the corner. Beating away on his drum most heartily with that stupid grin on his face. Where are the darts? And his bloody loincloth looks like it hasn`t been washed a while too. "Shut up!" I screech," I am going as fast as I bloody can!"
" Mummy! Will you please stop shouting at the wall! " Bat Boy wailed, rolling eyeballs up in an enviable Exorcist movement, "No wonder everyone thinks you are bloody weird!"
"Stop swearing!" I admonish.
"Why?" Bat Boy counters, " You are always bloody swearing!"
"No, I bloo...blo..antly don`t!" I stammer back.
"Chill out,Mummy." smiles three year old The Booby Slayer.
"Yeah...chill out,Mumsy," adds Bat Girl," The world ain`t going to end if our bento is burnt!"
"When I feel stressed, I like to play with my willy," interjects Bat Boy.
"Thanks for sharing,love." I grin, somewhat forcibly." But we didn`t need to know that."
The drum beat notches up as I text hubby ` Your son is talking about willy sports in public again. Fatherly chat required tonight. Thank you`. Oh bloody hell, I can smell something burning.
"Bloody hell," shouts out Bat Girl," The pizza for our lunch box is on fire....again, Mummy!"
The drum beat fills my ears as I feel the house lurch and the smell of the sea assaults my nostrils.
"Coming!" I cry out, sounding like Alpha Dalek from Dr Who.
" I am feeling a bit stressed,Mummy!" cries The Booby Slayer." Can I play with Bat Boy`s willy?"
"No, you can`t!" I firmly reply while attempting to put out the pizza bonfire....
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