"Here is an explanation in English," Doctor pushes a handwritten note over to me.
`Lisfranc fracture-dislocation of second metatarsal with extensive periosteal reaction on either side of both third and fourth metatarsals`
"Okay?" enquires the rather dishy doctor specialist softly. I steal a glance at hubby who is reading the Japanese version and nodding in complete comprehension.
Not wanting to look like the only person in the room who hasn`t got a clue what is going on...even though I am...."Yes,Dr Dishy. That`s cleared it up for me!" I cheerfully lie despite my raging foot. I surreptitiously slide the paper into my coat pocket. Google later.
"We need to totally immobilise your foot in a splint. You must rest," stresses Dr Dishy and I wonder if he creases his eyebrows like that during sex. Oh...positive sign....maybe I am already healing if I am thinking about sex. "Come back next week and we`ll do another X-ray. If the bones haven`t aligned properly, we`ll have to operate and put shunts in between the bones to help them heal properly....."
I felt the room lurch. Operation? No....no...no...no...I don`t do operations. I do parties, bbqs. I`ve even been known in my wilder days to do the odd striptease in public but operations....oh no no no. Not since that movie based on a true story about some girl waking up during the op and feeling the surgeons wiggling their hands around in her insides.
"Let`s get this splint on!" smiles Dr Dishy as a nurse efficiently strolls over pushing a tray with lots of white material on it. "Oh,...white?" I ask. "Yes," smirks back Dr Dishy doing that cute thing again with his eyebrows. "Is that the only colour available," I enquire. "Erm..." Dishy stammers. "It`s just that white isn`t really me, if you know what I mean?" I continue," It just doesn`t do anything for my skin tone.....and it`s going to get dirty so quickly!"
"Love..they only have white." hubby interjects, casting a smile around the room which instantly reactivates doctor and nurses back to their task. "Can I have a spare one,Dr?" which results in confused looks all round. "For when I have to wash one." I explain feeling exasperated that such simple logic has eluded all and sundry. "Oh no," startles Dr Dishy," Please do not remove this. It must be left intact. Do you understand?" Giving a little sniff, I nod to confirm.
Over at the `Crutch Training Centre` I did my time. Diligently watched demonstration and then practised the `those who have a fractured disloyal meta something with other meta somethings with allergic something or others` gait.
I waited with bated breath for my shiny new crutches to emerge. If they don`t have red or gold, black would be ideal. They`d go with anything and I have a pair of boots..or one boot in black fake snakeskin that would look awesome. Throw in my furry black Gap bag, should look pretty cool for someone in pain.Maybe I`ll splash out on a pair of big Garbo type sunglasses. That way, I can grimace away and no-one will notice. I`ll just look like some poor tragic figure. Battling her way through the pain and misery but with elegance.
The nurse handed me a pair of dreary grey, battered things which I promptly handed over to the old lady waiting patiently next to me. "There you go,dear!" To my horror,the nurse handed them back to me. Looking at hubby. "Oh no.You`ve got to be kidding me..." as hubby wheeled the chair over, I glared at the crutches hoping they`d bend in half under my steely gaze " A white splint and now this....There`s only so much a girl can take,you know!" I whisper, almost in tears. Turning round to look at hubby quietly pushing us down the corridor. " You did ask them about a red or gold pair, didn`t you ?"
Bending over hubby kisses my ear and says " Cup of tea,darling!"Oh well,.....I suppose I could shine them up with some ribbons or something......
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